"It's all in your head"

We fear what we do not understand. The subject of mental health undoubtedly falls into this discussion. For years, if anyone was brave enough to speak up and admit that they were struggling and battling mentally, they were dismissed, ignored, or belittled. Friends, mental health is no joke.

If you’ve never struggled with mental health, empathy is hard. I know! Prior to 2017, I had no empathy either. A battle someone is fighting mentally is just as real and powerful as a physical one. If someone you loved was battling a terminal illness, would you look at them and say: “That’s enough of that. Get over it! Get up. Go do something!” Of course, you wouldn’t! You would be there for them; by their bedside; and walking through the valley with them. People in your world battling for their mental and emotional wellness need the same thing. The last thing they need is to be shamed for their struggle by loved ones. Shame dies when stories are shared in safe places. 

If you know someone who is struggling with anxiety, depression, or any form of mental health, here are some tips on what NOT to say: (1) C’mon! Get over it already! {Would you say that to someone battling cancer or heart issues?} (2) You’re being a baby! {Nothing childish about a mental struggle} (3) Snap out of it! You’re stronger than this! {You don’t think they’ve tried? Being “strong” has nothing to do with the struggle}. (4) It’s all in your head! {That’s exactly where the battle is! They know where the struggle is.} (5) Get your faith up! / Pray more! {Do you honestly have any idea the nature of their faith or prayer life?}

And while we are on the subject of faith: For a long time, the Church has seen mental illness as something that can be prayed away or healed if the person suffering spends enough time with God or surrounds themselves with people who have greater faith. Many believe that “real” Christians don’t struggle with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. But that simply isn’t true. Depression is a real physical illness and there’s a real chance it’s caused by a chemical imbalance happening in the brain. It's something that the person suffering did not choose.

To the men, young adults, teenagers, boys (and to the people who love them): Perhaps you were taught, led to believe, or have thought that “real men” don’t talk about their feelings; that “real men” don’t show weakness; that “real men” don’t cry; that “real men” don’t battle mental illness; that “real men” don’t struggle with eating disorders; that “real men” don’t have insecurities; that “real men” aren’t bullied; that “real men” don’t have suicidal thoughts; that “real men” don’t show love and affection. These are ALL lies - lies we’ve been sold and lies we’ve bought into. PLEASE quit teaching kids to measure their strength by how much pain they can endure! It’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to ask for help! How many men’s lives have been cut short because that pride took such a deep root and it kept them suffering in silence? So. Maybe instead of “man up!” try: “It’s ok to talk about it.” Vulnerability is NOT weakness. It’s actually our most accurate measure of courage.

Statistically, men die 4x more than women by suicide.  Suicide is the second leading cause of death in people between the ages of 10-34 and the 4th leading cause of death for ages 35-54. On average, 132 Americans die by suicide everyday and annually 1.4 million attempt it. Still think it’s just “in their head” as something to be dismissed so easily?

Mental health does not discriminate. Anyone is susceptible. When we’ve been physically injured, not feeling well, or in need of medical attention we seek it. Yet, when we’re hurt emotionally or mentally we tend to isolate ourselves. Our instinct is to run into isolation and hide and hope that maybe this will go away but that is where the voices that are against us will rise up and be louder when you stay in isolation. We need people and community.

People are often the most unlovable when they need love the most. People don’t want to be talked out of their feelings; they want to be heard, seen, and understood. They don’t need a piece of your mind, they need a piece of your heart. We are all carriers of sorrow, struggle, and burdens that are hidden in the shadows, still chasing us from hard yesterday’s. We are all unfinished but I hope this helps you realize you are not unseen.