Capitalizing on the criticism

If I asked you what the most hurtful criticism you’ve received in your life has been thus far, I feel fairly confident that you could remember it in vivid detail. Why? Criticism hurts. It’s the principle of 99 people telling you that you did a wonderful job and that they’re proud of you but one person tells you something that feels like criticism (or they say nothing at all) and our human nature fixates on the negativity or silence and ignore the 99% that are in our corner. Why? Why do we do this to ourselves?

Wouldn’t it be lovely if every single person you encountered was a fan of yours and had no issue with you, what you do, or how you live your life? Six-time national champion coach Nick Saban once said: “If you want to make everyone happy, don’t be a leader; sell ice cream.” Unfortunately, someone would have an issue with the flavors of ice cream you sold. The world is full of people who will find the negative in every situation. Sad.

However, here is something I have found and continue to learn: Pain is a part of progress. Anything that grows experiences some pain. If we avoid all pain, we are avoiding growth. “You cannot go through the door of destiny without passing through the hallway of critics. Critics are an indicator that you are on the right track. If you cannot endure the criticism, then you can't have the success. It's the things you learn along the way that make you who you are. And part of those classes are taught to you by your critics. Critics are an attempt to distract you AND sometimes to educate you; sometimes to point out deficiencies in you because they're not always wrong. Success is not changing your critics’ minds. You do not need them to endorse you. You have to resist the temptation to prove them wrong."

The FIRST question we should ask ourselves when we are criticized is: Are they right? I’m totally serious. When it comes to criticism, there are times it stings because it is so far-fetched and nowhere near the truth and we’re offended that someone would even say such things. However, there are other times that it stings because it struck a nerve because they pointed out something that we know to be true about ourselves and perhaps an insecurity we struggle with.

The conclusion that we jump to is based in the belief we start with. For example, if you feel like you are not equipped or smart enough to handle a task you’ve been given, if you are criticized in any way, the assumption is automatically that we have been “found out” as being ill-equipped and we react emotionally and the feedback may have nothing to do with our internal assumptions.

Anyone else willing to be honest and stand with me and admit that they border on being a perfectionist but are trying to relinquish some of that assumed control? Anybody? Perfectionists hate criticism! Often, perfectionists will not complete things, not start things, or not even take things on at all, for fear of not being able to do it perfectly. Perfectionists are terrified of making a mistake, and consequently find themselves stressed, anxious, and desperately focused on not failing. They maintain unrealistic expectations of themselves and of others and will often micromanage, causing undue stress on themselves and others. If you start by believing that the proof of your faith is that you’ll never receive criticism - then the moment you hear that criticism, your faith begins to shake. 

Friend, perfection can never be achieved. Success is really based on taking the right action and getting the feedback (and sometimes criticism) to improve and not in getting things totally right every time.

For any number of uncontrollable reasons, some people aren’t going to like you and that’s simply a part of life. It’s how you respond to those people that determines the impact they will have on you. We all need improving, but it’s not easy taking an honest look at ourselves. By making the choice to look for seeds of truth in another’s assessment, we can grow in humility and give ourselves an opportunity to improve where we need strengthening. If we always think we’re right but don't get feedback from anyone else, how do we know for sure that what we’re doing is any good?