Help me help you
Three weeks ago, I was flying to Houston, TX to watch my favorite team, the New York Yankees, play the Astros in the American League Championship Series for my birthday, on my birthday (Cool, right?) During one of my flights, I was seated near the middle of the plane and was in a window seat. As the last couple of passengers were boarding, there was one in particular who was trying so hard and desperately to get her carry-on into the overhead bin about 7-8 rows in front of me. For the life of her, she could not get the thing to fit. She could not position the luggage correctly to get the bin to shut. You could see that she was embarrassed, she knew all eyes were on her, and probably felt like she was holding up our departure. Finally, a gentleman seated right above where she was trying to shove her bag into submission, stood up and said, “Ma’am, can I help you?” She took a step back and in one move, he got the bag in, shut the bin, and we were ready to fly. How many of us can relate to this in so many ways in our lives?
Why is asking for help so hard? Why do we suffer in isolation? And not just isolated physically but we remain shut off and shut down mentally and emotionally? One of the main reasons is because we have been burned so many times before. Maybe it’s pride. Or we’ve been rejected and the wound is still open. Or we’ve been let down so many times that we think to ourselves: Why bother? What’s the point? If I don’t expect anything from anybody, then I can’t be disappointed. Friend, you’re right. You can continue to live that way. You’ll be safe, insulated, and maybe even protected. But the unintended consequence of this mindset is loneliness. Loneliness is actually causing a health epidemic and it is not just tied to depression, anxiety, suicide (which are at all-time highs); but cardiovascular issues, sleep deprivation, and premature deaths are all being connected to loneliness.
I was about 8 months into a bout with major anxiety and depression a couple years ago and I remember being in my car – frustrated, hurt, angry, sad, lonely, screaming, and crying (quite an image, right?) I was mad because I felt like I was facing this alone! Why did I feel abandoned by “friends” when I needed them the most? A still, small voice spoke to my heart that day that said: “Steve, why would anyone keep checking on you? Everytime someone reaches out to you or asks how you are, you smile and say you’re fine.” Mic drop. Gut check. Epiphany. Whatever you want to call it, it was a game changing moment. I was pushing help away because of a toxic mentality that permeates our world: if I ask for help, I’ll look weak. People will look at me differently. What will people think?
Friend, if you are going at it alone and you feel like something is missing, it’s because it is. Life is full of many wonderful gifts and friendship is one of them. Do we have to take a risk to build meaningful friendships? Yes! Could we get hurt? Absolutely! However, if we build our support system right, the reward is so much greater than the risk! There is no way I could have gotten out of the pit of despair I was in by myself. I tried! It doesn’t work. Why? We are meant to have a group of people that we can go to for help, encouragement, and even standing on their faith when ours is weak and shaky. I am so thankful for my circle!!
We live in a time where it has never been easier to pretend that everything is ok through the lenses of social media. We can even go so far as to create a persona so that no one ever knows the things we are dealing with, battling and struggling to overcome. We also live in a time where communication methods are at an all-time high but real-life connection seems to be at an all-time low.
People are not mind readers. If we are struggling, we must speak up. Shame, like mold, grows in the dark. When we bring our life into the light with the right people, we will find love, hope, help, and fellowship.While we may not get to choose what we go through in life, we DO get to choose who we go through it with.