How about the man in the mirror?

I don’t think it would be unfair to say that the spring months of 2020 have been the most unusual, challenging, and uncertain times of this generation. In less than 90 days, we have experienced a global pandemic; a worldwide shutdown of businesses, services, and education; a rise of unemployment in the United States that rivals numbers during the Great Depression; a crash and slow rise of oil prices; and a rallying cry for racial equality, sparked by heinous acts of brutality. If you feel like you wake up on a daily basis, wondering what new challenges await us, you are not alone.

It’s understandable to feel overwhelmed and anxious with all that is going on. I’ve spoken with a handful of people who have told me that their life has not changed all that much the past 3 months. I usually just respond with: “Wow! Really?!” Perhaps you feel like you have been on an emotional roller coaster that you never wanted to get on and are internally screaming for the ride to be over. You are not alone 

In the midst of chaos, unrest, and what feels like an unending storm, it is normal to seek stability, hope, and leadership. We want answers, we want to understand, and we want to be reassured that things are going to be ok. I feel very fortunate to have the platforms that I do and have put considerable thought into what I wanted to contribute to the conversation we as humanity are currently having.

The other day, a classic came on while I was exercising. It was released in 1988, was #1 on the Billboard chart for 2 weeks and was nominated for a Grammy. The song? “Man in the Mirror”. The lyrics from the chorus ring true, even 32 years later: “I'm starting with the man in the mirror/I'm asking him to change his ways /And no message could have been any clearer /If you wanna make the world a better place /Take a look at yourself and then make a change”

How much more effective could messages we hear have an impact on our OWN lives if we would listen with the intent to make our lives better instead of thinking how someone else should be there listening to it? If we think that this applies to someone other than ourselves, that is part of the problem. When we avoid difficult conversations we trade short-term discomfort for long-term dysfunction – and this especially includes conversations with ourselves.

Until we fix things in our heart and address it in our homes, nothing changes in the world. “We’re not going to be able to heal what we are facing as a nation at the legislative level. This is not a legislative issue. We can’t pass a law to change someone’s heart.”

“Before we take a stand, sometimes we need to take a seat. When we take the time to sit down and listen to someone who is different from us, not only are we able to expand and challenge our perspectives but position ourselves to empathize with their experience. We can build bridges when we choose to understand.”

Saying “I see no color” is not the goal. “I see your color and I honor you. I value your input. I will be educated about your life experiences. I will work against the racism that harms you. You are valued. I see you. Tell me how I can do better.” That’s the goal.

“Connection and trust happen when one heart meets another. What destroys connection and trust like nothing else? Invalidation.” When someone is hurting, we do not get to tell them not to hurt or how to feel or that they should just get over it. How can we learn to be compassionate? By learning to feel each other’s pain. Just because we might not have experienced it does not mean it does not exist. If we say that we appreciate diversity without acknowledging the disparity, that is hypocrisy.

“If everything going on in the world right now disturbs your spirit and mind and soul, embrace that. That discomfort, that uneasiness serves a purpose. When we are comfortable, we become complacent and we feel no sense of urgency to take action, to grow, or to change; to lean into those feelings and ask ourselves the difficult questions; to try something new and step out of our comfort zones. Discomfort is a sign that something needs to grow or change. 99% of the time, that something is ME!”