The fallout from rejection

Anyone who lived through high school P.E. class knows the anxiety of being picked last for the kickball team. The same hurt feelings bubble up when you are excluded from lunch with co-workers, fail to land the job you interviewed for or are dumped by a romantic partner.

Rejection is an incredibly powerful force and the effects it has on us emotionally, mentally, and relationally is no laughing matter. At some point in all of our lives, we have all been rejected in a relationship – whether it be romantic or platonic; professionally; by a family member; and even self-rejection. And further, we can feel the rejection by means of being ignored (the unspoken rejection); the flat-out NO rejection; and the “we regret to inform you” line (the nicely worded no).

Rejection feels lousy. The brain tries to comfort social rejection in the same way it deals with physical injury. When we’re rejected it makes us feel bad about ourselves, and it makes us feel like nobody wants to be around us. It makes us feel angry. Unfortunately, it is a part of life and cannot be avoided. Our brains are actually wired for connection, but trauma rewires them for protection. That’s why healthy relationships are difficult for wounded people. So, my goal is not to invalidate your feelings because we all want to be heard, to be seen, and to be understood but to offer some perspective on the fallout from the rejection we have experienced.

Two things drive our life: approval and achievement. If you put your validation in other people’s hands you will have to keep going back to them for it. If another person is at the center of your focus and they are responsible for the fulfillment of your joy, you will always be miserable. If you live for their approval, you will die from their rejection

I’ve been rejected innumerable times and some more hurtful than others. Some instances took years to unpack and understand the effects it had on me, including my decision making process. You might get through “it” but you are not over “it”. You may no longer be in that season of your life but everyday, decisions that you make are influenced by the thing you went through but are not over yet. If you’re not over IT, it’s probably still OVER you.

Our greatest need is love but our greatest fear is rejection. You and I have been told all of our lives to “just be yourself” and the right people will come along and love and accept you for you. The part you are not told is that when you do that, you will have to endure a lot of rejection along the way. Will it hurt like hell? Yes! Will it be worth it, though? Yes! Find the courage to be authentic. Not everyone will like you but no one can if they don’t get the chance to know the real you.

Even in relating to people, you have to remember that the way they’re treating you might not be a reflection of how they feel about you. It might be a reflection of how they feel about themselves. It might be a reflection of what they’re dealing with in their own time alone. That’s why you really have to be careful not to let rejection take root in your heart.

Because sometimes people are pushing you away, not because of anything that is undesirable about you, but it’s actually that the person finds themselves so undesirable that they don't know how to let anyone get close because to let anybody close carries a risk with it that they will be seen and found out to be less than which they already believe that they are. And you are spending all of your time trying to love someone who is unable to receive your love at the time and the rejection is not proof of your defection; it is proof of something in their own life.

Some of our greatest blessings can only come on the other side of rejection. Be thankful for detours, roadblocks, and closed doors; they protect you from people, places, and paths not meant for you. Think of rejection as a re-direction and a course correction to your destiny. Everytime I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better! Rejection could turn out to be not so much someone wanting you out of their life but someone that God wanted out of your future!