Time does not heal all wounds

I’m a guy who loves quotes. Seriously! I love a good quote. I end my radio show/podcast with a quote every single time. My social media timeline is chalk full of quotes that speak to me. However, I have noticed that if a quote has been around for a while, most seem to just accept it as gospel and a universally accepted truth. One of those quotes is: “time heals all wounds.” I hate to be the bearer of bad news my friend, but this is just not true.

Time is a factor in the healing process, to be sure. Stick with me here. Consider someone who is advanced in age who you know to be angry, bitter, resentful and for the better part of their life has been that way. Did time heal their wounds? No, it didn’t. Why? We have to be involved in the healing process. This means that you cannot trust a clock or the changing of a calendar to do for us what we have to be actively involved in.

Some wounds that we have experienced run deep and when the work is not done to address the effects of those wounds, time actually has the opposite effect of healing. Time actually serves as a hardening agent. Internalizing all those hurts, pushing them down and hoping that if you ignore them long enough that they will heal is only creating a volcano on the inside of you that will explode – it is simply a matter of time. “Faking it until you make it” only works until the faking it breaks you. No matter how hard we run, how far we push ourselves, and regardless of our accomplishments and achievements we are not robots. We are human beings with feelings, emotions, and the ability to be hurt.

As such, in order to do the work that allows healing to begin, playing the “ignore it and it will go away” game will not be effective and will only prolong the hurt. Confrontation can be hard and many of us hate it. However, I am not simply talking about confronting someone about how they hurt you; I am talking about having the hard conversations with yourself and no longer invalidating your own feelings. Time after time, we tell ourselves, “its fine! Its fine. I’m fine. It’s not big deal. I’m good!” When actually it’s not fine, it is a big deal, and you’re not good.

As more time passes and those suppressed issues continue to fester in your mind and heart, it can become toxic, not just mentally and emotionally, but physically. The unforgiveness, the bitterness, the resentment all begins to manifest itself and you find yourself in a miserable state. Time is not healing those wounds. Something has to be done!

At the sake of sounding like my elementary and junior high teachers: life is not fair. At some point we will all be betrayed, disappointed, embarrassed, belittled, misunderstood, and made to feel like we are less than and unworthy. All of these things hurt and some cuts go deeper than others because of who was holding the knife. It’s almost always going to be someone we were close to because we care about what they think and we valued our relationship with them.

You may have every right to “punch back” but doing that will not heal your wounds. Rather, let the people who hurt you serve as a reminder of who you don’t want to be. Let go of needing to prove yourself right. Let go of living in the past. Is it doing you any good by holding on? Is it moving you forward in a positive direction by having a stranglehold on those old hurts?

If we spend our entire life with the mindset of “my bad experiences messed me up and that’s why I am how I am” instead of learning how to heal and learning and growing from those experiences, we are our own problem and roadblock. Many are actually afraid to heal because their entire identity is centered around the trauma they have experienced. They have no idea who they are outside of that trauma and it can be terrifying.

Happiness is a choice, not a result. No one and nothing will make you happy until you choose to be. Rather than waiting on time to heal those hurts, take action and choose to forgive and the best person to start with is the person in the mirror!