You’re more than that

I remember when I was in high school that one of the books we had to read and discuss was Nathaniel Hawthorne’s “The Scarlet Letter”. The premise of the book: It’s June 1642, in Puritan Boston, Massachusetts, a crowd gathers to witness the punishment of Hester Prynne, a young woman who has been found guilty of adultery. Her sentence required her to stand on the scaffold for three hours, exposed to public humiliation, and to wear the scarlet "A" on her chest for the rest of her life. This punishment served to remind her and anyone who she would encounter of her shame.

While this particular story tells the story of a young woman being branded and labeled an adulterer by her peers for the rest of her days, I thought of this tale in terms of how you and I tend to be labeled OR label ourselves based off of our worst mistake. In some ways, we have all worn a scarlet letter. Perhaps your letter is an “L” for liar; “C” for cheater; “M” for manipulator; “G” for gossiper; “I” for instigator; “R” for racist; “A” for addict. The list could go on and on.

If this sounds familiar, it should. Our present day is consumed with what has become known as “cancel culture”-- a "gotcha" system of looking for any reason to pull people off platforms, without offering them a second chance. We’re all human. We all sin. We all need grace. It would be hard to lose everything you’d worked for over one mistake. It’s even trickled down into our individual relationships. Every day, you see another social media post that starts with the disclaimer, “If you disagree, just unfriend me now.” We’re "canceling" each other over differences of opinion. What’s worse – is you may have been “canceling” yourself because the guilt and shame you carry is overwhelming.

For years, you might have been defining yourself by your dysfunction. Our identity can become consumed by our issues. You might have told yourself a summary of what you are and what you’re not based on the experiences you’ve had, BUT not on the potential that you carry. My friend, forgiving yourself is as important as forgiving others. Guilt is toxic. Don’t deny your mistake but don’t be defined by your mistake.

Perhaps your family, “friends”, teammates, classmates, colleagues, or your community won’t let you forget about that scarlet letter you’ve been mentally and emotionally carrying. Just because you might have done something wrong in the past, doesn’t mean you can’t advocate against it now. It doesn’t make you a hypocrite. It means you grew. Let’s normalize changing our opinion when presented with new information. Don’t let people use your past to try and invalidate your growth and current mindset and perspective. Remember, you don’t get to control the story people tell about you; you get to control the one you live.

Not only are you more than your biggest mistake or the sum of all your mistakes, but you are also more than a number or descriptive adjectives on a personality test. Personality tests are helpful, but don’t take something that was meant to be a tool, and turn it into an excuse. Sometimes, people use the results as a cop out from having to grow, because if we condemn ourselves, we don’t have to work towards change. “That’s just who I am” is not a justification for staying stagnant nor ignorant.

For my fellow type-A, overachievers - the success-oriented, excelling, driven, and image-conscious friend -- we are more than what we do. Our titles should not confine us, and our jobs should not define us. Where our confidence comes from, determines when it runs out. And if our confidence is in our career, then our employer has the power and authority to strip us of our identity.

There is always a temptation in life to identify with your issues or with your gifts. If you are really good at something, you can learn to perform in life in such a way that you receive the praise of people because of what you do. But if what we’re good at (or known for) is taken away, all that we were left with is who we are.

 We all have 3 mirrors that we face everyday: the way others see us; the way we see ourselves; and the way our Creator sees us, and where you go from this point forward in your life is going to depend on which mirror you believe.