When it’s time to walk away

Years ago, I was sitting in a conference, and about midway through his presentation, the speaker made a statement that still reverberates in my brain: “I love quitters!” It made me pause and process what he just said. He went on to say: “I love people who want to quit. Why? Because to want to quit something, someone must be doing something, which is leaps and bounds ahead of those sitting around, doing nothing.” It’s an interesting take, isn’t it?

I’m no quitter. If only because I’m so stubborn, I can’t imagine a scenario too tough or another person so difficult that it makes me want to give up. I hate giving up. Because I like to win. And “winners never quit, and quitters never win.” (The good ole’ American mantra, right?) But as I’ve gone through my life, especially my thirties, I’ve learned — you’re never going to win them all. And sometimes, letting go and walking away is how you do win.

Are there ever times it’s ok to walk away? Are there times it’s ok to say “enough is enough”? Are there times where something has run its course? Are there times when the season has passed? With each passing question, the answer is, yes, of course!

We all know on some level how scary regret is. The fear of regret causes a similar reaction in our brain to the actual pain of regret. It’s ironic, because our brain tries to keep us safe, keep us from feeling regret, but in doing so, keeps us in situations that will create regret in the long run. Your brain tells you that you’ll regret losing a paycheck, but it never tells you how much you’ll regret never chasing your dream. Our fear of regret keeps us from knowing when to walk away from situations that are not good for us.

Hanging on when your season is over will diminish your impact. In fact, the longer you wait to move on, the longer your agony will prolong. We must recognize that some seasons come to an end. But don’t worry because what feels like an end is when a new season will begin! Just like the earth moves in specific seasons, so our lives move in a seasonal rhythm. The secret to success is knowing what season you are in and recognizing when that season has come to an end. When you operate in the right season, you’ll be operating at your best. We must understand our time.

People stay in the worst situations because of that sliver of hope that it will get better. There is one thing that I am certain of. When you are in a situation where you are not growing, it kills you inside. You get into a cycle of existing rather than improving. Growth is what makes us happy. Growth is what gives us the drive to keep moving.

Whether it’s a job, a relationship, a friendship — walking away from things that no longer serve you or positively contribute to your life is necessary for a healthy life. You have every right to make whatever choice is healthiest for you. It doesn’t make you a lesser person. It means you chose what was best for you, over what someone else thinks you should do.

Remember, walking away is not the same as giving up. Walking away does not mean you are weak. Walking away is an attribute of the strong, because of the sheer difficulty of it and the willpower it entails.

Nine and a half years ago, I made a decision that changed the entire trajectory of my life. Since that time, I have worked on trying to recognize when a season has run its course; recognizing that I have a limited amount of time and energy and being more intentional of how and where I choose to invest it.

For the past 3+ years, it has been a tremendous privilege to write this column and hopefully, make a positive impact. However, the time has come for me to say “see you later” to this particular endeavor.  I did not come to this decision lightly but, when you know….you know.  I appreciate every single one of you who have read, supported, and reached out to tell me what it has meant to you. Many times, I was writing to myself and invited you to read over my shoulder.

Thank you to Daniel and Todd at the Hobbs News-Sun for the opportunity and their support. I may pop in from time to time and drop a column here and there but for now, Godspeed and my heartfelt appreciation to you all!